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It’s been a rough weekend(week). The smoren on Sunday really hurt to hear. The pastor was just trying to stir us up, but all the lies that I believe seemed to be confirmed throughout the whole smoren. First, he told us that we had to hear the word. No problem, but the second point was that we had to believe the word. That’s were I was feeling condemned. He said that if we don’t believe the word, we are sinning. No matter what everyone else says, you are sinning. I sat there and thought, yeah. That me. The big sinner. I don’t believe in my heart most of what the Bible says about God’s love and who I am in Christ. It was so painful. By the end of the service, I was screaming inside. I kept saying, I already know that I’m a complete failure. Do you have to keep rubbing it in that it means I’m a total sinner also? I haven’t started acting out yet because I’ve been too busy for work, but I’m already seeing a lot of red flags. My wife knows what’s going on, but I know I need to be able to work through this before I completely go crazy.